Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
