You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I am morally bankrupt
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
