What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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