he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
