There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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