You can't motorboat a personality
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
