It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
