In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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