Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize