you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
