i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
