there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
