there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
