White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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