Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
