He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
