didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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