ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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