he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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