She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I supernannyed him into submission
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Panties = found
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
