I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
