You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
