Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
