What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
