i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize