That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
