Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
