Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
