I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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