All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You did what with his pubic hair?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
