Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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