My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
