Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
