I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
