yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nicole vs. Life
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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