lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
