i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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