Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
