The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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