I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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