Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
