my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
