hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
