If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
