The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
