life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
