yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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