I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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