please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize