oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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