OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
high people should be assigned attendants
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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