i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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