id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
