Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
