Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
