i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize