God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This baby is an asshole
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
