He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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