When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
