...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
