OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
