Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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