I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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