I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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