Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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