I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
