"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
