he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
