I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
honey bunches of taint.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize