god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
