actually, I'm a sock model
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
