i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
