yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
