WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize