I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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