Screwed.edu
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
two words...techno handjob
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
