Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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