No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
