Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
