is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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