He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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