yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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