So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
