Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
