Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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