let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
