Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
