I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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