First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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