I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
