so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
