im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
