and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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