Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
