she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is Oprah even human
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
