I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
