I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
