Me too!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
