he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
