Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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