I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize