he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
