I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
