we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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