I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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