I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
