I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
