First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
