Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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