I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i think my cat just said my name.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize