Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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