y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
